Cartoon Quips

Man, reading newspaper, to wife: “I’m all for lowering the voting age. Then the kids can’t blame
everything on us!”

-

Reamer Reller, Cartoons of the month

Watching rain through window, one weather-bureau employ to another: “We needed this. We’ve
been predicting it for a week.”

-

Busino, King Features

One youngster to another as they watch man hammering nails: “Just wait’ll he hits finger. Then
we’ll hear some shoptalk.”

-

J. Whiting, General Features Corp

Wife explaining vegetable dish to scowling husband: “that yellow scum on top happens, to be
Hollandaise sauce!”

-

Graham in Punch, England

One girl in low-cut dress to another at military ball: “Don’t dance with the general – his medals
are cold.”

-

La Domenica del Corriere, Italy

Matron, looking up from her reading, to husband: “Just one I’d like to see an article on
retirement that say’s it’s all right to sit around an enjoy it.”

-

Franklin Folger, Publishers – Hall Syndicate

One teen - anger to another: “I don’t know what’s getting into parents these days. My dad put on
another demonstration when I got home last night!”

-

Cathy Jaochim, Cartoons of the month

Woman to departing husband: “You forgot to absentmindedly peck me good-by.”

-

H. Martin in good Housekeeping

Father to lazy son: “When I was seven, Lindbergh crossed the ocean. What have you
accomplished?”

-

Stamaty in Scouting

Money Matters

As I pored over the family budget, I groaned and muttered to myself wondering how I would
meet all the bills. With a sympathetic pat on the shoulder, my wife said calmly, “Look on the
bright side. We could be poor instead of just broke.”

-

Contributed by Joe Ryan

A certain theatrical producer is incapable of paying a bill without trying to get a reduction. When
his wife wanted to go to a psychoanalyst who charged $50 a session, the producer asked the
analyst, “So what happens if a patient doesn’t show up? Your $50 is lost, right?”

And he arranged for his wife to be a standby patient at $25 an hour.

-

Leonard Lyons

I used to feel guilty about the burden I placed on the checkout clerk at the supermarket as I
approached with my massive collection of food to feed a family of ten. The one day, when I
started to voice my usual barely audible apology, the clerk gave me a beaming smile as he called
across to the manager, “It’s okay, boss, she’s here! You can go ahead and make up the payroll
now.”

-

Contributed by Michaela F. Townsend

Horror Story

The talk around a campfire turned to the question: “What’s the most frightening sound you
know?”

“A groan in the dark,” said one fellow, “when you know nobody’s there.”

“I’d say the sudden buzz of a rattlesnake at your feet when you don’t have any boots on,” said
another.

Finally, an older member of the party grunted. “I know a sound worse than all yours put
together,” he drawled. “A long, low whistle coming from an auto mechanic underneath your
car.”